


Chemicals Burn in my Bloodstream

by hannahbear



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, M/M, MIGHT BE TRIGGERING, Niall's just sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 22:12:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2325008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahbear/pseuds/hannahbear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(so tell me when it kicks in)</p><p>//</p><p>or the one where harry left, niall's sad and drunk, and harry arrives home at just the right time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chemicals Burn in my Bloodstream

Niall let the ice cold water pour over him. How long had he been in the shower? Long enough to let the burning water to to freezing water, at least. 

He switched the water off and stepped out. He grabbed his towel and dried himself off, then tied the towel around his waist. 

Everything he did seemed mechanical. Get re dressed. Check the time. Eat something. Sit on the couch. Stare at the blank television screen. Check his phone seventy times to see if maybe - just maybe - Harry might have called him or texted him or done something to let him know that he still loved Niall as much as Niall loved him. 

But Niall already knew that was false. 

Niall already knew that there was no point in checking his phone; Harry left three days ago and wasn't coming back. 

Niall closed his eyes and rested his head back against the couch. Everything felt like a ten ton weight was rested on his shoulders. All the text messages he'd sent with no reply, all the calls he'd left that'd gone to voicemail. Everything he'd done was for nothing, and would never be anything, and Niall just wanted to sink through the couch and into the ground and not have to worry about anything anymore. 

He glanced over into the kitchen. 

The first thought that passed through his head was the liquor. 

He got to his feet and walked to the kitchen. He opened the liquor cabinet and grabbed the first bottle he saw. Then the second. The third, the fourth, the fifth, until his arms were so full of bottles he was afraid he'd drop the precious, pain relieving liquid onto the floor and be left with nothing. 

Niall got back to the couch and arranged the bottles on the coffee table. He stared at them a moment. He counted them. Six. Six bottles. Six bottles full or nearly full. Six pain killers. He opened the rum. 

Over the course of an hour, Niall had finished off two of the six bottles. His throat and stomach burned from alcohol, his vision swam, and his head buzzed. But the pain was still there.

He picked up his phone, and in dialed Harry's number. 

"Hey, it's Niall." He slurred. "Jus' wanted you to know that I'm done."

Niall hung up and smiled to himself. Then he threw the phone across the room. 

Down went another bottle, then another. Niall's head was on fire. 

Another bottle down. The pain wouldn't go away. 

Bottle number six. The pain was eating away at him. The room spun in circles. He felt like he was going to- 

Niall saw all the alcohol in front of him again, on the table, on the couch, on the floor. He coughed, then everything faded to a peaceful blackness. 

\---

The pain wasn't gone. 

It was worse. 

It was nighttime again. Or maybe the curtains were closed. He didn't know. He didn't care. 

Niall's head throbbed, and his stomach moved in waves. The pain was still hovering on him. 

"Make it stop!" He screamed at the wall. "Make it go away!"

The entire world felt like it was closing in on him, trapping him in a little cardboard box. 

Liquor. He needed more, he needed to black out again. He needed the world to go away. He needed the pain to go away, he needed the memory of Harry to go away. 

Niall uneasily got to his feet, stumbling towards the door, still drunk off his ass. Suddenly, his legs couldn't move the way he wanted them to and he fell to the ground. 

He stayed there for a while, staring up at the ceiling fan going around, around, around. It made him dizzy as hell, but maybe he'd pass out then. 

The pain weighed down on him like an elephant on his chest. He wanted to melt into the floor. He wanted to go away from it all. He wanted the pain to go away. 

He wanted to die. 

Dying seemed so easy, Niall thought. You could take some pills or jump from the roof or put a bullet through your bones, and that'd be it. 

There was Tylenol in the bathroom. A big bottle. 

Niall staggered to his hands and knees. The effort made him hurl onto the floor. But he wiped his mouth and carried on. 

He used the toilet to get to his feet. He leaned heavily on the vanity, ignoring the reflection of the gaunt, zombie boy in the mirror, and opened the medicine cabinet. 

There it was. Alcohol was only a temporary relief, this was permanent. 

Niall grabbed the bottle and, after three tries, opened the stupid cap. He dumped some in his hand. 

Shakily, one by one, he swallowed the pills, counting them as they went in. Seventeen. 

He fell to the floor, arms and legs against the cold tiles. 

He sat up against the wall. 

This was it. The pain was going to go away. 

He didn't know how long it was until the room started to blur. 

Someone started yelling something, Niall thought. Who'd be yelling? There wasn't anyone home. 

"Niall!" 

Harry, or what looked like Harry - Niall couldn't tell. Everything was too blurry. 

"Oh my god, what did you do?" Harry cried. He got down on his knees next to Niall, salty tears staining his cheeks. "Stay with me, please. Oh god, this is all my fault. I'm so sorry." 

"You came back." Niall slurred. His vision was starting to fade. "I missed you."

"I know, I know." Harry brushed the hair from Niall's face. He fumbled for his phone in his pocket. 

"Hello? Yes, my name is Harry, and I think my boyfriend overdosed on pills." Were the last words Niall heard before everything melted away to the familiar blackness. 

Finally.

\---

Everything was bright. Bright and brilliant white. 

Was it heaven? Was he dead?

Niall's senses started to wake one by one. He heard a steady beep, beep, beep. He smelled cleaner. He felt soft sheets underneath his fingertips. 

He wasn't dead, but the pain was gone. 

"Niall?" 

He turned his head to the left. 

Curly hair, green eyes that looked like they hadn't been shut in days. Harry. 

"Thank god." Harry sighed, taking Niall's hand and burying his head in his chest. "I thought I'd lost you." 

"Wha' happened?" Niall asked. He sounded like a lifetime smoker. 

"You ODed on pills. You nearly completely destroyed your liver combining the liquor with the pills." Harry said quietly. He pulled away from Niall. He was crying. 

"The pain... it wouldn't go away." Niall muttered. It all seeped back into his mind like a bad dream. "How long was I out?"

"A week."

A week. He'd missed a week, and who knows how long when he was passed out drunk. Niall took a breath. 

"I didn' think there was any other way. I had to make it all go away. It just seemed so easy and I was drunk as hell..." Niall started to cry also. 

"It's my fault. I should've never left you like that. I should've answered your calls, texts. The only voicemail I listened to was the one where you said you were done, and thank god I did. It wasn't like the others. I knew something was up." Harry took Niall's hand in his, and held it tight. "I'm so sorry."

"It's not yer fault. I was drunk, I was stupid."

Harry nodded. In his heart, he knew Niall was wrong, but he didn't say anything. There was no point. 

"We're gonna be alright now." He said instead.

Niall glanced up at him then, at the face he'd tried so hard to forget. "We are."

"I love you."

"I love you more."


End file.
